Regina King and Understanding Suicide in the Black Community: Remembering Ian Alexander, Jr.
Waking up to the news about the death of Ian Alexander, Jr., son of Regina King and Ian Alexander Sr., was disheartening. His death has brought to light an issue that the Black community has been silent about for far too long: suicide. Suicide doesn't discriminate; it affects people of all races, genders, and people of different economic backgrounds. However, the rates of suicide are highest in minority communities and even higher among Black Males. Now is a time for us to come together and acknowledge the impact that suicide has on our communities. To get to the point of understanding, we must first start with empathy. Empathy is key to combatting suicide and helping those who feel hopeless and lost.
Regina King is an international icon. More than that, she has long been our icon who has and continues to celebrate Blackness and identity by putting concepts that are rarely explored in our view. With that iconic status, we must remember that Regina is a mother who has lost her son to suicide, and we must support her and give her the space to mourn. At the same time, we must acknowledge that she has again placed a concept in our face that we often avoid or attempt to hide. Suicide is not something we should shy away from or be ashamed of; it's time for us to talk about it openly and honestly so that we can start saving lives.
Acknowledging Suicide
Why is this acknowledgment so important? When the topic of suicide comes up in the Black community, there is a statement that we all have heard, "You know we don't do that; that is what White people do." The collective belief justifies that because we are used to the struggle, we are too strong to "go out like that" and just power through tough times.
Acknowledgment is also important because if we never actually recognize who has suffered and is suffering, we will never be able to provide the necessary support and continue to state that it doesn't happen to us.
When a suicide occurs in the community, the family may go to great lengths to hide suicide or label it accidental death to avoid shame. Promoting the lie often complicates the grieving process, making it more difficult to grieve. I have even heard close friends say, "I will not go to the funeral of someone who has committed suicide because that is selfish." Statements like this indicate the lack of empathy and support we offer to families and friends affected by suicide and promote internal conflict of the person who holds the belief.
What Can We Do?
It is time for us to start talking about suicide openly, honestly, and with empathy. Regina King took the first step in showing us how. She publicly acknowledged that her "bright light," who showed her what true unconditional love was, passed away by suicide. By doing this, King is not allowing the stigma associated with suicide to overshadow nor define who her son was. She almost forces the public to accept the hard truth while also acknowledging the life and impact Ian Alexander, Jr. made in this world.
It is also time for us to support families and friends who have lost someone to suicide. Allowing them to speak freely about their grief, confusion, and even disappointment is the least we do. Instead of denying our support or simplifying suicide to selfishness, there should be an attempt to dig deeper to understand why the person decided to take their life and dig deeper to explore how we are hurt.
How do we show empathy?
Suicide is not a simple act and should never be reduced to that. Although we will never fully understand why someone chooses to take their own life, the least we can do is ask the questions that attempt to understand. That is how we get to empathy.
Many people will say Ian Alexander, Jr. had too much to live for, and there is nothing horrible enough for him to do this to himself. While this may be true, we will never know what was going through his mind in those final moments. However, can we at least try to find a few points of agreement on how life can be difficult?
Waking up in beautiful Black and Brown skin every day to fight against and adjust to daily injustices is asinine yet mandatory.
Being a Black Man has its unique challenges.
Birthdays can be sad or even depressing. Twenty-six (26) is an age of significant reflection and comparison of expectations that others may have of you, and that certainly can trigger different emotions
Walking in, behind, or even around the footsteps of two successful parents could pose a massive challenge to identity.
Finally, surviving another year in a FREAKING Pokémon Platinum Challenge is EXHAUSTING
Those are just five things I can only imagine were going on with Alexander, Jr. Can you connect with anything on that shortlist? Can you add anything to that list that a 26-year-old Black male trying to survive in America could have a difficult time navigating? See, this is empathy. And it is not hard at all. It just takes a few seconds to stop, think, and try to connect with what we don't understand.
Now that we have finally tapped into empathy, let's help Regina King, Ian Alexander, Sr., the family, and friends grieve, emote, and honor the beautiful life of Ian Alexander, Jr.
How to get help
There is help, and you don't have to feel alone in this fight. If you are feeling suicidal or know someone who is, please reach out for help:
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Call: (800) 273-TALK (8255)
Online chat: Suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat
Website: Suicidepreventionlifeline.org